Friday, November 26
wow...It seems ages since the last time i use this webbie...haha...so happi 'o's r finally over...i dun seem to be studying during the 'o's period...the papers were ok...some were a little challenging...hope i will do well and get into NYJC...i juz sign in for the jc admission form...my points are far too much for NYJC but i still hope tt i can get in...haha...yesterday juz went wildwild wet with jing, my sis and her sis...actually wanted to go with pb but she can't go bos of personal reasons...haiz...neva mind try to arrange with her another day...at wwW we met fiona and clique...haha...v.funny...ali took the slide-up and she...haha...could not get up...guess she was shocked...hee...it's quite fun but the games are v.limited...i sort of fainted yesterday too...it was terrible...wat i saw at tt time was everybody was yellow in colour and was moving so slowly like in shows the special effect...den suddenly i couldn't see anything...it's all black even though i was still conscious...haiz...it was due to my low blood glucose level...so next time muz eat sweets first...haha...but now ok liao...i felt so horrible yesterday and was even swaying away when i am standing...realli hope to get into NYJC...i felt so sad tt day when i noe tt my marks can't get a place there...i even gave up n called my tutor tt i wanted to give up jc...but she scolded me...i told her tt i can't do GP however she said tt when she read my last essay she knew tt my GP will do well even beta han others bcos i could argue my way...i feelt so lost and told her tt i doubted myself...however when she told me one thing tt enlightened me...my parents...on my mum's deathbed she told me to study hard n not let her down...i hav forgotten all abt this for so many yrs but when my tutor reminded me abt it...i felt tt i was a disappointment...i started to tink abt wat i was doing all these yrs...how can i forget my promise how could i...and olso my father had high expectations on me...i hav olso let him down...i had neva thought abt how he felt when i was retained two yrs ago...i have always thought tt he don't mind...however before 'o's he told me to study hard which he always does...i thought tt it was normal...but he mentioned tt he don't feel gd when others' kids made it to uni and tt me have retained before...when i was retained...my father gave me a choice whether i wanted to switch sch but i refused no matter wat he said...i regretted not studying hard...have i made a wrong choice of refusing my pa's idea???i have no ans...i only noe tt if i have agreed...i will not have known pb and many other frenz...have i really made the wrong choice...?i feel tt i am a toal disgrace to my father...i hope tt in future i will be able to provide a gd life for my father...not for gratitude but bcos i love him...i have always wanted to tell pa n mum some things but it's just hard for me to speak it out and i couldn't..."i m sorry for being such a bad daughter...i love u all"...i hope tt they will be able to hear it...
made a prayer at 3:30 PM
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